And what remains of you is still floating
by Constellation d'Ambre
Summary: Sakura writes a letter to her late soulmate she does not know a single thing about. Even dead, he hasn't left her side, as she will slowly come to understand.


_**A/N:** Hi everyone! Let's be honest from the start, this fic will be sad, of course enlightened by happier scenes, though it will remain quite somber, as it's a story about death and mourn._  
_Please take into consideration that even if I do my best, English is not my mother tongue. I will gladly correct any mistake you notice, but please be kind when you highlight them :)_  
_Sooo, let's begin, if you haven't run away yet!_

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**And what remains of you is still floating…**

_Chapter I. The tragic figure is the one who lives on to grieve._

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« Dear soulmate,

Today it has been twelve years since the mark linking me to you tarnished. I feel nostalgic for a happiness we never lived, and I can't even cherish your name nor a single memory of you. I can't move on from loosing you, even after all this time, and I know I won't. Water will pass under the bridge, but the flow will never carry away my love for you, nor my pain. These are the same. These two feelings have merged a long time ago.

What was your name, dear soulmate? Did you live in Konoha? Since you left this world, I made the promiss I won't allow anybody endure the same grief as me, as far as possible. That's the reason why I work hard to protect every soul in this village, by investing a lot at the hospital and dedicating myself as kunoichi. Would you've been proud of me? Not unexpectedly, I smile to my friends, I smile to strangers, I extend a hand to those in need, nevertheless I'm desperate not being able to hold your hand in mine, to smile at you. What kind of person were you? Basing of the only thing left I own from you, a neat, even handwritten sentence upon my ankle, I deduce you were meticulous, careful, and somewhat of a perfectionnist, weren't you ? « Could you give me back my shoes, please? » And polite. And determined, active, engaged. Which doesn't mean you couldn't have been a little annoying, though. Relax, I'm only joking, tenderly and sadly. But it's only when patients get difficult and refuse to stay still in their bed although the medic prescribed a full time rest that we confiscate the shoes. I possess no proof of it, but you were a shinobi, weren't you? Was it by protecting your village that you …?

You know, I used to think I should consult the records in the archives – if you where indeed in Konoha -, to read the names listed upon that day. But the anguish holds my back. I fear that discovering your name and the circumstances surrounding your passing would only deal me another hit. My ignorance would shatter, shaken by the analytical, cold page of a register, and this icy fate would seem forever sealed. That's stupid, of course, it won't change a thing about you not being anymore… I've never experienced any suffering as excruciating as the night you went away. It is as if I was crushed, in my soul and body. The faintest of moves caused me an agonizing pain. My body only reflected what I felt inside. For six months, I was incapable to stop crying. I was devastated, but at least my marvellous loved ones were there for me. (I feel guilty, because at this time one of my dearest friend lost a member of his clan, yet I couldn't lend him my support.) But to go and search on my own some answers concerning you, while I do not want to call upon my entourage for their sympathy… Nor I don't want to bluntly learn from a book the secret behind the mourn of my life.

I don't know if you can hear me, if you read these words, or if your read deep inside of my heart, but know that I love you. Not a day goes by without thinking of you. I love you so much that words fail to express what I feel, and only my sadness answer me. I feel your hollow presence, or your absence, that my love for you envelopes, engulfs, swathes, but can not reach inside, like the water immerses a ballon without flowing in it… When I need a time alone dreaming about you, giving free rein to my sorrow, and also imagining the tender and funny moments we could have had together, I sit near the Nara river, on a secluded bank where no one would search for me, and I confide in the water. That's peculiar, but speaking to it relieves me, as if it could understand. Maybe its fluent course soothes my chakra. It waves calmly, splashed of light, sweeping along a part of my pain. It sure doesn't purify, nor clean my from it, but it did seem to share it, in a certain manner. I know what I write is strange. Maybe I've gone delirious, maybe I'm overcome with sadness, it doesn't really matter. We would have been so happy. Radiant. When I think of you, I glimpse a warm, diffuse light. Golden. I do not know if this letter can reach you, but if there's a life after death, if something of you is still floating there… dear soulmate, please, send my a sign, even if only one?  
With all my love, across the mystery.  
Sakura».

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_**A/N:** Thank you for reading, a review, even two words, would really brighten my day!_

_I also write this story as a catharsis, as I'm unfortunately too familiar with the mourning of loved ones. For those of you who have lost someone dear, know that you are not alone. If you ever need to talk to someone who understands, without telling you what to do, or how you should feel, you can send my a private message. I will respond you as fast as I can._

_Take care of you, beautiful, lots of love!_


End file.
